The F words - Fantastic, Forms, Fights, Friendly, and Frustrating

Our father passed away recently after a long illness. Once the period of grief was over, we got down to dealing with various formalities. The experiences ranged from pleasant to annoying while people we dealt with varied from helpful to obstructive.

It started with death certificate. The municipal corporation has very thoughtfully created a single window for all transactions. We went there to find that the (outsourced) agency running this single window was on strike! As a result, there were plenty of people working in the office but they had no work coming to them through this single point of failure! They called off the strike after 4-5 days. Then we found out the mortuary had not yet forwarded the data to the office. This is the case of an automated front office without backward integration. Someone told us to try our luck with the main office so we landed up there. There was an efficient looking woman in charge. We explained the case to her in 30 seconds. She listened and then asked us for a copy of the mortuary receipt. She kept it and told us that she would initiate the data entry and the death certificate would be available in 2 working days. No triplicates, no bribes, and no long wait in the queue – Fantastic! The certificate was ready (albeit with some spelling mistakes) in 2 days as she said it would be. We would like to write a letter appreciating her help but do not know where to send it. Maybe we will give it to her along with some flowers.

The next hurdle was to transfer some of the high value investments into our mother’s name. These investments were through one of the country’s leading private banks. Being pro-privatization people, we expected smooth sailing with this new challenge. We initiated the discussion with a very helpful branch manager. She explained the process which looked simple. Soon our interactions (phones, emails, and personal meetings) with the bank increased as an arithmetic progression while the number of forms increased as a geometric progression. To be fair to the bank, they put up with our bad tempers (mostly mine) and bad handwriting (only mine). To be fair to us, we put up with their inefficiency and silly procedures. After a fortnight or so, things began to move. Once again, we plan to write a letter of appreciation and this time we know where to send it. No flowers though.

While the bank saga was unfolding, we embarked upon another challenge involving the friendly neighborhood post office. This we know was going to be a tough nut to crack. Our father was attracted to the high interest fixed deposit (FD) scheme run by the post office for senior citizens. He had opened an FD and (thankfully) had nominated our mother. He did this through an agent so we contacted her for the next steps. She told us that it would be a cinch – just fill one form and presto. We asked her for the form. She did not have it. We did some research on our own and downloaded it from a useful website. Armed with all the paperwork, we went to the post office. We explained the case to the woman in charge. Without even a look at the forms, she told us that it could not be done. After we pressed her a bit, she told us that we had the wrong form. After telling her that we downloaded it from Indian Post Office’s website, she let us win the first round. Then she said that the nominee would have to appear in person. We explained that the nominee (our mother) was a patient and the doctors had advised her against moving around. She then said that we would need a special permission to invite someone from PO to visit and verify the nominee. When asked why, she gave a wicked laughter and said that we must have been out of our minds to think that the PO would give out a large sum so easily. We of course should have told her that it was “our” money that we were asking for and not “their” money. However, we thought better and went looking for the postmaster. He was a cooperative chap and asked us to submit the forms. This took a while as the same woman refused to accept the papers. So after another bitter fight the papers were submitted. We have a few things in mind for her but we will reveal the specific choice after the work is done.

By now, we were sufficiently scared to even approach the pension office (being another government organization) to apply for our mother’s family pension. One day we dared to go. There were a few desks in the room. Each table had a core competency – it dealt with a certain bank branch through which the pension is distributed. Eleven out of the twelve desks had people behind them while the 12th was empty. As it turned out, our case was to be handled by the empty desk. So we sat down and looked at those 11 people and they looked back at us since they had no work. But they were not meant to help us. Finally, our man showed up and was extremely friendly. He quickly went through our case. He handed us a few forms and asked us to come back with them filled in. After a couple of days, we were back and so were the other 11 people. After a long wait, our friend came and glanced through the forms. He helpfully offered to come home to verify our mother’s signature for a small official fee of Rs. 50 (About $1.25). We had to pay the fees in the next-door bank. We trouped there only to find a long queue. After a loss of 1 hour’s worth of opportunity cost, we got the receipt and went back to our man. He is now scheduled to visit our house in a couple of day’s time. A refreshingly friendly government clerk with a surprisingly quick turn-around time.

We had another business to attend to – involving not one but two of the leading private banks. By then we had lowered our expectations quite a bit. The task involved getting a bank account statement from the first bank. We went to the nearby branch and the smiling “may I help you” person told us that the system was down so they could not help us at all. We offered to leave our details (account number and phone number) so that they could print the statement when the system would be up and then call us. They thought it was a revolutionary idea in customer service and gladly accepted it. Within a couple of hours, we got a call that the statement was ready! Then we had to get an affidavit stating the nominee’s details. Therefore, we approached a notary. His assistant drafted the affidavit but then asked for the main signatory. We pointed out that the main signatory was dead which was why we needed the affidavit in the first place! He then grudgingly finished the draft. Armed with the draft and the bank statement we went to the second bank. They accepted all the papers without any hassle and gave us a receipt. We soon pointed out to them that it was somebody else’s receipt! frustrating...

So we have learnt three key lessons which are worth sharing here:
1. There need not be any bribes and the work can still be done. A minor requirement is time.
2. The probability of finding an efficient person is as low (or high) as the probability of finding an equally inefficient person. This suggests that this event could be following a normal distribution.
3. The overall service quality one gets is not stellar but it is still better than the quality of the software that is produced by the IT industry!

Gaseous Beyondus

The circus is in town...

... And it is called the US presidential elections. So if you have not been following it then you must! One of my friends said that he is not an American and he doesn’t live in the US so why bother. The country that many of us love to hate, has the power to change our lives even though we are thousands of miles away – here’s how: The US is a democracy so the power in question lies with the people of that country. People wield their power for those issues which bother them. And there is a chance that the issues which (don’t?) bother them may be the issues which bother you and me. Since either way I am going to be affected, I may as well a part of this circus.

I think we will finally have an election with issues beyond the standard ones such as health care and abortion. It is heartening to see wider issues such as climate change and Iraq are finally beginning to bother the then Americans. There is an initiative to organize a science debate between the presidential candidates. The list of signers (which includes a number of Nobel laureates, government leaders, business leaders etc.) is quite impressive. The possible topics for debate include climate change, conservation, and species loss amongst others. It will be nice to see the future American president making an effort to understand these issues – even if that attempt is geared towards garnering votes.

We live in a politically correct world. People are so scared to even say “Race and Gender” that they aren’t willing to discuss issues arising from them. The US takes pride in how much progress, as a nation, it has made in reducing the differences arising from gender and race. Well, a very good test is around the corner. We can almost certainly expect polarization on those lines. So much so that the philosophical differences (which aren’t something to write home about anyway) between the two main parties are taking a back seat. It will be interesting to see how the country deals with this phenomenon.

Here’s an interesting thought: We will probably have a hung democratic primaries. So Ms. Clinton could do a pact with Mr. Obama and offer him the position of a running mate. When I mentioned it to a friend, she said that the only realistic chance that either of them may have is if they have a redneck as a running mate! In a country that is not ready for a woman or an African-American president, it may seem like a far-fetched idea. However, there is no harm in hoping for it especially when it has the potential to be the most amazing act of this circus. So grab your ticket and run for a front seat since the first act of the circus has just begun...